Tag: Friends

Work for It:

I think I mentioned I’ve been watching videos by music teacher Rick Beato (so many good ones). The most recent one I happened on was made in response to a commenter who suggested Mr. Beato knew nothing of real work. Gauntlet thrown.

As Beato offers his biography and resume, the stops along the way all featuring employment, it got me thinking about all my paying jobs. Here I go. At first I thought, How many could there be?

  • When I was about 12, I started babysitting in the neighborhood, an occasional cash gig ($1 to $3 an hour was a going rate, depending on how late at night I had to stay); I babysat all through high school and college, and for extra cash when I was a public high school teacher, supplementing my $17,500/ year income as I paid off a student loan and my truck;
  • When I was 14, I spent various hours of summer afternoons walking across the street to help my neighbor Mr. Flaherty, who owned and operated Woodbridge Driving School out of his basement (his wife taught special education in our county, and I babysat their three kids), and helped him file and organize his invoices (he taught me how the drive the summer I was 17—great teacher);
  • At 17 (now with a driver’s license) I got my first regular job as a cashier/stocker at Woolco, which job I had my senior year, all the summer before college, and my college Christmas break; this job paid for all my books, clothes, and toiletries for my freshman year, and luckily I didn’t have to work through the terms;
  • The summer after freshman year, Woolco had gone defunct, but I was able to get a job at Dart Drug, in the same plaza where my mom, Lynne, managed Crown Books. I remember filling out the application by hand, running across the street to the realtor’s to pay $1.00 to have it notarized, and returning to Dart where I was given a smock and told to start the next day. I worked as a cashier (which also meant washing windows, collecting carts from the parking lot, and other tasks) every summer, winter break, and spring break for the next two years of college;
  • Between my junior and senior years, I acted professionally ($75!) at the Virginia Tech Summer Arts Festival in Seamarks by Gardner McKay, a two-hander where I had half the lines, and that same summer I house sat for my costume design professor, Felice Proctor, while she spent the summer doing the costumes for the Utah Shakespeare Festival. I lived in a townhouse shared by theater students and rode my bike the few miles every day over to her place to collect and her mail and newspapers, empty the ever-running dehumidifier, and water her flower garden, all while attending summer school for education classes, and bike back to my place so I could catch the bus to rehearsals and performances; at summer’s end and the following Christmas, I spent a few weeks back at Dart;
  • During my senior year, I auditioned for and got a job as a telemarketer for the Virginia Tech athletic boosters, giving a survey to alumni and asking for money; I also babysat for assorted professors’s kids; during breaks I was back at Dart;
  • After graduation, I lived at the same townhouse for the summer and worked as a Christmas tree shearer in the Blue Ridge Mountains; getting picked up by a fellow college student at 5:00 AM every day for the 45-minute drive to Floyd County, where I learned to don chaps and shear pines with a long knife, pee outside, and eat ham sandwiches from my little bag that held my half-frozen gallon water jug; in the evenings I’d drive my friend Liz’s family station wagon over to her apartment, pick her up, lift her into the passenger seat and fold up her wheelchair and toss it in the back, drive over to the Performing Arts Building, park, get her out of the car, wheel her to the steps where some guys would come out and we’d get her chair up to room 204—I swear I have no memory of this, but I know we did it, and out again; I was her assistant as she stage managed the play Tennessee for the VT Summer Arts Festival; I’d drive her home at 10 PM, get myself home, no sooner hit the pillow then suddenly my 4:45 alarm would go off; I also acted in a show called Rich Lives: The Voices of American Homemakers as “The Woman from New Hampshire” for the 50th Anniversary of the Women’s Extension Service for 3,000 farm women from all over the United States, all while recovering from near-fatal blood poisoning due to poison ivy; I also realized too late that I was way over-extended taking care of Felice’s house again, so all her flowers died; at Christmas it was back to Dart;
With the late, stupendous Elizabeth Wills, ca. 1984, Virginia Tech, after the annual Theatre Spring Thing softball game. Ah, the energy of youth.
  • Between my student-loan backed 5th year—where I was a student aide, student taught, co-directed a local high school musical, and took a bunch of education classes in preparation for my Boards—and my first job as a paid schoolteacher, I once again acted in the VT Summer Arts Festival, this time as several characters in Andre Gregory’s adaptation of Alice in Wonderland; I did not house sit for Felice; at some point I got paid for doing a mime show at a nursing home. Possibly this event closed out the hardest total year of my life;
  • Next, I was, finally, a full-time public high school teacher, a job I got in a rural county where outsiders never came (I told you that story), and taught English 9, English 10, and Speech and Drama, and directed four plays my first year; I also had to host the VHSL (Virginia High School League) AA One-Act Play Competition, both District and Regional (meaning I did all the communications with the other competing schools, by phone, and had to procure all the judges, set the schedules, arrange dressing rooms for all the kids, figure out the lighting, sweet holy mother), in a town with nowhere for lunch so I got our Food Services class to cater (bless Tawana Lee); and I had to repeat all of this the next year while also co-sponsoring It’s Academic and Forensics; and then repeat all that in my third and final year sans the Christmas play and my drama class, instead being given a section of English 12—guess why I quit?;
  • My next jobs were in my year off (after my first summer of five in grad school at Bread Loaf), where I lived in the country and worked a little catering, did some babysitting, and was a reporter/photographer for the Virginia Farmer, a rural paper, writing feature articles and learning how to use a Pentax K-1000 SE (thanks to my professional photographer friend Jay’s over-the-phone tutorials);
  • My next job was to be found when I moved back home to Northern Virginia; while trying to get an interview with a school system (my letters of recommendation apparently sabotaged by a vindictive superintendent, is the best I can gather), I worked the weekly afternoon-to-evening shift at Minnieland Daycare for three months until I could land a job…
  • …which I did, partway into the year as a replacement teacher, at my second and final high school, where I went to high school (I told you that story) where I worked for twelve years, all told in my career maybe 2,500 students, before I…
  • Moved to NYC and was hired by an educational publisher, an entirely new career, where I still work 22 years later, having helped create (I think) eight full reading programs, Grades 5-12.

Here’s a challenge: if you are feeling a little lost, a little, “What have I even done with my life?”, take an idea from Rick Beato and Miss O’ and perform this service for yourself. Nobody comes from nowhere; nobody does nothing.

So. I’ll wait.

Would you look at that? Yes, you did that.

There is no doubt in my mind, none, that all our youth would be far happier, less depressed, more fulfilled, if they could point to an assortment of work they’ve done with their hands, out in public, something for others—you know what I mean? My god the miles I logged on foot, on my bike, on the boards of theaters, around stores and parking lots, in classrooms and down endless hallways. How did we do all that? And we did—and also went out with friends, did art, built stuff, listened to music, danced, made meals, had holidays with family, traveled, and moved, and moved again, and again.

And here we fucking ARE.

VT Theatre Arts Reunion, 2014

Come on now!

Sending love,

Miss O’

Road Trips: A letter for the end of the world

I awoke this morning from a dream involving peacock feathers, in a kind of thrift shop where I see a bright green minidress on a dress form, adorned with giant peacock-style feathers at the bust. I’m supposed to be gathering up all the green and peacock-inspired pieces—tulle, shoes, costume jewelry—to create an ensemble, but somehow I keep leaving everything in this shop, which is mostly in some kind of garden behind a sort of little house-turned-shop, and I keep having to return and return, as we do in dreams, unable to finish anything, odd people intruding, cousins, all conservatives, one wearing a burgundy faux fur coat with white fur trim and a hood that I had in middle school as she reads the paper while standing in a dirt-floor vestibule and I explain that I am for abortion rights.

On waking, as I do upon each waking in the past decade, I wonder how long the planet has left; AI models say 19 years at the outset before humans are extinct. And I wonder how it is 2026 and we are as a species still bombing one another, and how all these so-called geniuses with all their resources are so super-excited to hasten the end of life on our glorious pale blue dot, why that dream of total annihilation, that ruthless use of power, is so alluring, our world’s end so inevitable for them. It’s hard to get up and start each day knowing how many horrible humans are out there among us abusing, killing, raping, starving, imprisoning all the really sweet people. You know.

Yesterday I received the most beautiful thing in the mail: an actual handwritten letter from an old friend.

From the stationery (a homophone I learned to spell correctly, differentiating it from stationary, in 7th grade, and memorized because letters mattered so much to me) to the greeting to the P.S., the back-front sharing of life moments in ink in the present tense remains for me a treasure, even seeing a hand-addressed envelope in the hallway in front of the mail slot still brings a little rush of warmth.

One thing that troubled me was that this letter from Central Virginia was postmarked GREENSBORO, NC, and that postmark is ominous. Louis DeJoy, who inexplicably is still the postmaster general, has been working to ensure that local postal facilities are no longer processing mail, but gathering it up, shipping it on trucks to facilities hundreds of miles away for that postal stamp, causing delays of days and weeks. I realized that were my friend to mail in her November ballot, say, it would take over a week at best to reach the elections office in her very own town. And by then, it could be too late to be counted, since a new USPS policy states that the postmarked date no longer counts as the actual date for submission of any legal document, from tax returns to ballots. In addition, these delays mean that Americans may no longer receive time-sensitive legal notices on time, such as summonses for jury duty or traffic tickets, causing fines and even arrests.

More fodder for the private prison complex system of forced labor, I guess; more private property to seize and take from the rest of us. (The U.S. Postal Service, created by Benjamin Franklin so that Americans had a little government in their lives every day, now reflects exactly our government, doesn’t it, as in almost no governance at all. As my friend George reminds me, “We are all going to be inconvenienced to death.”)

All that from receiving a nice letter. Because nothing is nice anymore. Nothing can ever simply be anymore, that is, without deep discipline of the mind to take in the moment.

Last week an old college friend, D, came to visit with one of her grown daughters, whom I hadn’t seen since she was a toddler. Back in 1988, my friend accompanied me on a cross-country odyssey, back when you used paper maps and had no cell phones (and the sign on leaving Barstow, CA, for AZ said, “NOTHING FOR 150 MILES” and you drove onward); the entire month-long trip cost us $200, including 89¢/gallon gas for a Toyota truck that got 35 miles to the gallon; and $2.00/night camp grounds when we weren’t in the beds in the houses of relatives. Food was cheap—a full chicken dinner might be $4.95, and we could split it. On return, I made an album, photocopying the road atlas cover, the tapes, cutting out ad tag lines, headlines, and images from the local newspaper or magazines to comment on the photos.

The impetus for this trip was an invitation to the first O’Hara Family Reunion, in Nebraska; plans were thrown together; my mom, Lynne, bought me a KOA Campground Directory, which guided us to cheap accommodations. Also, I had just survived my first year of teaching, and it was my first summer off not working in any way since I was maybe 13. I don’t know how I was ever that brave. My brave friend D made it possible.

And in 2003, when I moved from Virginia to New York City, I accidentally took my box of curated collage-photo albums to my sister’s basement (instead of my parents’ house) to store, where she had a one-time-only flood that miraculously only destroyed that one cross-country trip album. (D, a practicing witch, said when I told her, “You’re welcome.”) Moldy and blurred to oblivion though it was, I didn’t have the heart to get rid of that album, but upon seeing the horror, D convinced me last week to do that—I snapped a few pages for memory first, and indeed, tossed the hunk of mildew and mold into a plastic bag and out to the trash.

I miss the intimacy of letters and albums. We live in a bizarro world of mass surveillance and public disclosure of our innermost worries and thoughts—but it’s not really new: any of us who worked in drugstores and photo-mats knows that workers kept copies of customers’ intimate pictures to share and discuss, so it’s not as if our camera photos were really private, though perhaps only our postal worker and roommates knew about our private mail from return addresses if not contents.

I remember mentioning once to a writer friend that I kept all the letters ever sent to me—I’ve told you this—and I mean all of them. I’m the keeper of the letters—and I saw her face cloud and shift to panic. What private things had she revealed to me? her face said. I’m sure nothing; I, on the other hand, was a font of confession, and ironically no one has saved letter one written by me. It’s too bad, really, as I wrote really good letters; but perhaps the confessions are best left to the landfill.

This weekend I may go into my closet and begin culling the dozens and dozens of shoeboxes filled with correspondence. On the other hand, given that we are going extinct in 19 years, I probably won’t.

And so, to start another morning at the edge of the end of the world, with love,

Miss O’

Why read literature? It beats drugs, and it makes us human

On this MLK Day in the year of our lord 2026, where only 16% of American adults read for pleasure and 40% of our nation’s children do not know how to read at all, not even their own notes from the board—it’s just symbols on a page to them—we really have to figure out a new world order. I’m thinking about reading today because my friend Steve just sent me The Uses of Literature, a collection of essays by Italo Calvino, ca. 1982, with a specific reference to part 2, “Why Read the Classics?”

Reason number 6: A classic is a book that hasn’t finished what it has to say.

Books are old friends, and we need our friends. With that in mind, I found myself shelf haunting (after a morning of chopping up ice and salting my co-op front sidewalk, followed by navigating lethal ice patches in two different directions for two sets of store runs—and those “ice” references can mean so many things now ) in my own library. Lots of associative tasks all around—ideas for little collages, fumbling into art materials I had no idea I even had, pulling out volumes to peruse. Interesting, luxurious really, to spend time off on a frigid day in a sick-ass national moment in memory of one of the best of us just letting my mind wander.

For example, I rediscovered this book, a gift from friend Tom Corbin in 2016—how is that ten years ago? This led me to learn more, again, about William Morris and his wife Jane Burden Morris, where I rediscovered a painting I used in an acting exercise ca. 1983, wherein I posed as and had to bring to life the character in the painting, as I felt her, and then participate in a class “interview” as this character. Harrowing.

Blue Silk Dress (Jane Morris) 1868, Dante Gabriel Rossetti (1828–1882), Society of Antiquaries of London

Revisiting this painting (like a classic book, it’s never finished talking to us), I find I would like to hold this pose until 2029, but failing that dream, would like to suggest that we teach all our little ones to meditate in lieu of overstimulating them. I am so serious. Meditation and quiet, followed by reading, followed by walks in nature. Couldn’t school just be that for a few years? Starting now? Life is precious. Time is short. Quiet is a gift. I mean, look at her.

Sending love, quickly, because I have reading to do before the day is done, and one more walk in me, too.

Miss O’

Surfacing

Seen in Queens. Photo by LO’H

Of the Surface of Things

by Wallace Stevens (1879 –1955)

I

In my room, the world is beyond my understanding;
But when I walk I see that it consists of three or four
hills and a cloud.

Surface Chair

Years ago, my friend Tom and his partner were moving and downsizing, and he sold me a delicious olive green wing chair (which I foolishly gave away when I later moved to New York and I miss it still). On first seeing the chair, which was solid and plain, in my house, my friend Chuck remarked, “Now it just needs a couple of bright pillows!” When walking the shops of Fredericksburg, Virginia, I found two expensive hand-painted pillows, with an accent of that very olive green, that did just the trick. I thought of all this just now as I pulled down my bed covers and shifted one of those very pillows to the side so as not to crush it in my sleep.

So much of life and living is surface, a chair you buy and lose, the bright pillows you spend so much money on to decorate the chair, the casual remark that caused you to elevate your home decorating aesthetic beyond solid colors into bright patterns of possibility. All surface thoughts, yes, but more than the surface shifts. Doesn’t it?

II 

From my balcony, I survey the yellow air,
Reading where I have written,
“The spring is like a belle undressing.”

Surface Friend

Thursday afternoon, I texted my dear friend Cindy who lives on Maui to ask what was happening and if she and her family were safe, and they were, as the fires were not on her part of the island, but oh how she was grieving the loss of Lahaina. She then texted, “Did you know that Tammy [a fellow student and actor from Virginia Tech days in the 1980s] passed?” I did those things we do now: looked up Tammy’s obituary online; wrote a tribute memory; posted of her death in a social media alumni group. I really had only a surface relationship with Tammy, acting with her in a Summer Arts Festival production of Andre Gregory’s adaptation of Alice in Wonderland the few months before I started my teaching career. We took to walking home together on the nights after rehearsals and performances, as neither of us had cars, and her place was my halfway point. She’d kiss my cheek, wish me “safe home,” a phrase I didn’t know. She graduated the year I was a freshman, and by the summer I got to know her had waitressed and auditioned in New York City for three years and lived with a Russian boyfriend named Roman who wouldn’t go down on her because he didn’t understand what “the magic button” was, which was not where women bleed and pee, and her favorite city memory was Roman pushing her around the East Village in an abandoned shopping cart in the cold wee hours after the bar where they worked closed for the night, her legs sticking up out of the cart while he spun her around on the deserted streets and she screamed and laughed. That’s what I know about Tammy. And can’t forget.

Surface memories as lasting as love.

At the Planetarium, American Museum of Natural History. Photo by LO’H

III 

The gold tree is blue,
The singer has pulled his cloak over his head.
The moon is in the folds of the cloak.

Surface Life

Sometimes I think I have only ever known surfaces, surface friendships, surface news, surface travels, surface nature, surface career, surface artistry, surface feelings, surface disaster, surface stories. So of course I dread. I obsess over decorating a home, oddly, that almost no one sees, an art project for an audience of one, knowing it and I could be lost at any time, and it’s so much fog, really. I see spots I missed when I dusted today. And what should I have to show for all this care and attention? Is there anything inside me deeply affected by bright pillows on a muted chair? Is there anything that can emerge out of me that will deeply affect the world? And what of all this death?

Three or four memories and a cloud. Is there much more we can expect?

Sending love out to everyone who needs it, even from my surface, to help you absorb whatever was your loss in life this week.

Morning from the 82nd Street Subway Station. A couple of cars and a sun Photo by LO’H