Tag: Language

Not Waiting for Directions (Home)

When you just want to do it yourself but can’t

“Dear Saint Anthony, look around, something’s lost and can’t be found.”

~ Catholic prayer to the patron saint of, among other things, lost objects

“When evil-doing comes like falling rain, nobody calls out ‘stop!’”

~ Bertolt Brecht

“Never start a piece with a quotation.”

~ Nora Ephron

Do you have the feeling that we are all living through a Kafka short story? “The Trial,” perhaps, or “The Refusal,” maybe? When I was home in Virginia the other week, I asked my brother Jeff if he’d ever read Ray Bradbury’s “The Sound of Thunder,” and when I recounted the plot, he realized he once saw a bad movie version; and it came up because, as we caught the latest news out of America, I mentioned that I keep looking for a smashed butterfly on my shoe.

For some reason, I got on a mailing list for Catholic charities and I often receive “free gifts” of amulets and charms and bracelets and necklaces of St. Anthony. Coincidentally, he’s my favorite patron saint.

Like me, in addition to those stories, maybe you are thinking of that Twilight Zone episode, “It’s a Good Life,” where that evil kid keeps wishing everyone who displeases him away to the cornfield, and no one will stop him out of fear, and also love, because his parents choose to save him and let the rest of the world disappear. In the same way, Trump bastardizes the Kennedy Center even as he plans to close or demolish the Museum of African American History, and Musk eyes selling off the National Gallery treasures to “save money.” Wishing all our history away to the cornfield. And, echoing Brecht, there’s no one to stop them.

Or is there? Reading historian Heather Cox Richardson the other day was a tiny balm, as she recounts recent events and sees shifting winds. I’ll take it.

Your Miss O’ has been lying low these past weeks, visiting aged parents, aging brothers, a young nephew and vibrant sister-in-law. Also watching birds, smelling lilac in bloom, watching red azaleas pop, walking around my childhood block in drizzle. In addition to watching classic movies and “Harriet Tubman” on PBS and “Poetry in America” episodes with brother Jeff during the week, I caught A Complete Unknown on my last night, the weekend nephew James visited. James just wouldn’t go to sleep in his designated living room, what with all the excitement generated by middle-aged relatives, so he happily sort of watched the movie with the grownups, not understanding any of it. Fortunately, there’s no nudity and little in the way of bad language, but at the point where Joan Baez gets out of her bed where Bobby Dylan is sleeping, only in her underwear and a tank top, four-year-old James commented, “She forgot to put on her pants.” Uncle Jeff chucked, “He doesn’t miss anything, does he?”

If you haven’t seen that Dylan bio pic, for me the most interesting storyline was the one featuring Pete Seeger, played beautifully by Edward Norton. The movie helped me understand this mystery surrounding the rift that formed between Dylan and his early supporter and champion Seeger. Their link was Woody Guthrie, suffering from Huntington’s chorea at the movie’s opening, the disease never named or explained, as Hollywood does. I won’t belabor the plot, but essentially when Dylan went electric at the Newport Folk Festival, Seeger was dismayed and dejected, not because he hated rock, but because it was the end of his dream. For years and years, Seeger saw in Guthrie, and in the work of folk musicologist Alan Lomax and in folk musicians like Joan Baez and Odetta, the opportunity to proclaim a unifying voice in American music. Amidst the turmoil of the civil rights movement and the communist accusations of HUAC, the folk music movement offered the possibility of a true common ground across race and social class and political affiliation, youth and old age. In Dylan, Seeger saw the last piece of his dream, a young, galvanizing voice, filled with unendingly creative songs of love and political revolution, fresh and original but also connected to our American past.

But Bob Dylan was an artist first, an individual all the way, with no interest in marches or politics, not really, and not at all interested in unifying a nation. The rest is history, Highway 61 Revisited, and unending tension and turmoil in America. This is not Bob Dylan’s fault. Pete Seeger meant well, too, but no single person can make us all believe one “us” to be true.

No one, alone, can fix it.

But if something can unify a people, it’s probably music that comes as close as anything. Music and food. Music and food and complaining about noise.

On Thursday morning this week, around 8:30, as I was working when I heard this high-pitched BEEP BEEP BEEP [beat] BEEP BEEP BEEP. Smoke alarm? Tow truck? Work truck backing up? After about 15 minutes of this blaring through my window, I decided to take a walk hoping the cause of the noise would resolve. One 20-minute walk later, I could still hear the beeps from two blocks away. I went on a fact-finding mission. Where I live is like a mixing bowl of sound—finding the source was a confusion to me. I called 311—a wasted half hour of the operator’s frustrated inability to locate where I was on the city map. Feeling crazy at this point, I texted my co-op group, and neighbor Chris took over, agreed with me it was in a trash bag, rummaged, found the culprit—a discarded smoke alarm!—and smashed it. Oh, blessed relief.

In the midst of ICE raids in America destroying families, there are still annoyances like that, you know what I mean? It’s the thing I’ve never understood, not since I watched the 6-day war on Walter Cronkite’s 6 o’clock news when I was James’s age: what are human beings thinking when they annihilate other humans? We have enough little daily problems, don’t we?

If noise rage occasionally unifies us, language never seems to be able to, because as poet Nikki Giovanni said, too many people try to speak English rather than speak through it. Saturday morning, I had to go get bloodwork and urine testing done for my physical this week. Earlier in the week, I’d received an email that my neighborhood LabCorp office “has closed.” Full stop. I was so bummed—the next closest one is in Jackson Heights, about five subway stops away. Instead, the email continued in the next paragraph, there will be a new office…wait. It’s the same address, but one floor up. God I hate it when people can’t fucking communicate. What the email should have said is, “The second floor LabCorp office is closing for two days in order to relocate to the third floor.” Do you see the difference? Why is this hard? Because it is.

When I arrived at 7:45 for my scheduled 8:00 AM appointment, I saw a packed waiting room—highly unusual, but the office is “new,” so one makes allowances. One man there had a son, probably eleven or twelve and clearly on the autism spectrum, chasing him around, keeping him out of lab rooms, out of the hallway. I went to self check in kiosk but saw this sign:

So I went to the window to check in, as directed. The nurse behind the glass, short, dyed black hair, officious—clearly overwhelmed (like her male counterpart) by the double duty of being a receptionist and the technician, came out to the kiosk and said, “Give me your ID, I’ll do it,” and I pointed to the sign, saying, “If it works, I can do it…,” but she was clearly focused on finishing the check in. Again, I pointed out the sign directing us to go to the window. Did she take it down? No. She straightened it. (My seat being nearby, I spent the next 45 minutes explaining to everyone who came in, “It works, ignore the sign.”)

Between the lying sign, the autistic child flying around, the woman who was denied a pregnancy blood test because she didn’t have a doctor’s order, the men needing drug tests for their jobs, and the seats all facing forward staring into the abyss, I felt I was in some kind of play. Not really Kafka, but rather, Samuel Beckett. I was in a Beckett play. I love to see plays but it’s not always great to live them.

True to my heart, to cheer myself earlier this week, I went to The Public Theater to see a collection of short plays by one of my favorite playwrights, Caryl Churchill. As only an artist can, she captures me in this time, even in America. I think the titles say it all.

And that’s the latest. How’ve you been?

Love to all, somehow,

Miss O’

Present Tense

Possessing words for the times

Hi, sweetie. What a Monday. Between ol’ Def. Sec. Pete texting secret plans for war with Yemen (wtf?) to the Atlantic magazine by mistake (in his defense, it’s hard to multitask when you’re drinking with both hands) and ol’ Pres. Donald explaining to the press that he has no idea what is happening in his administration (in his defense, it’s hard to lead the free world when you don’t give a shit), I’m not feeling exactly safe in the United States.

Words fail me. And yet here I am writing. If you don’t mind, I’ll write what I was going to write about despite our national security in the balance. Because my god, what else can I do?

One of the things in this life I care about most, beyond family and friends and air and water, is language. I’ve tried reading it, writing it, speaking through it, and acting with it. I edit it for my accidental living. There’s so much to try to express, and learning to do it is a lifelong process.

Back in the summer of 2018 or 2019, I think it was, my friend Colleen and I found ourselves doing open mic standup at QED in Astoria, Queens. I only signed up to make Colleen do it, because she is genuinely hilarious and had been making excuses. “I put my name in the bucket,” I told her one Sunday afternoon. She looked at me, “Now I have to do it.” Yep. Use those brainy words.

I am fearless and had a built-in schtick: “Hi, I’m Miss O’Hara, and I’ll be your teacher,” I spoke gently into the mic. “There is nothing you can say to me that a fifteen-year-old hasn’t already said, and with worse grammar.” The first time I introduced myself, I almost burst out laughing seeing all these mostly young white male comics sit up. They literally did that, and I know had no idea they had. I told grammar jokes for four minutes. I was the adorable old English teacher they all remembered having—though I was less of a comic than a palate cleanser between the groups of men, and a gray lady fluffer to set up Colleen’s natural genius.

I probably told you this story, but one Sunday, a young comic, very promising, was working on a routine he’d been practicing for a few Sundays, and it really was getting funnier. At one point he was describing a friend’s plight, crying out, “And his head was squozen…” as he gestured dramatically, and I couldn’t help myself. I began giggling, “Squozen,” I sputtered; and he called out, “Miss O’Hara, what should it be?” and I called, “Squeezed,” and he corrected, “Squeezed!” and finished the routine.

The next week, I saw he was there, and my name got picked from the hat before his did. “I’m Miss O’Hara and I’ll be your teacher,” I began. “Last week,” I breathed dramatically into the mic, “we had an unfortunate incident with a misused past participle.” I glanced at the young comic in his dark corner. “But really, if it’s freeze, froze, frozen, why isn’t it squeeze, squoze, squozen?” I went on to riff on the history of the English language, and needless to add, I killed.

Ha, ha.

But in truth, the venue notwithstanding, grammar is a subject that interests people, isn’t it? We all have questions. English grammar is, to me, a point of common ground. Everyone who comes into contact with English wants to understand the difference between lie and lay, for example, and which pronoun is correct in a compound construction, (me and her? her and I?) that sort of thing.

Here’s a sampling of stuff that we could all correct quickly, if I had a PSA / Schoolhouse Rock platform. This is all off the top of my 38-years-in-English-education head.

1. Her and I want a horse. (She wants a horse + I want a horse = She and I want a horse.)

2. Morty threw a javelin at him and I. (Morty threw a javelin at him + Morty threw a javelin at me = Morty threw a javelin at him and me.

3. This house has been her and I’s dream. (This house has been her dream + This house has been my dream = This house has been her and my dream. NOTE: Don’t say that. Say, This house has been a dream for both of us; or, a dream for her and me, or our dream. And if you must use possessive pronouns, use the correct ones. Doesn’t that feel good?)

4. Lie v. Lay

a. To lie is an intransitive verb. It takes no object. No nouns are harmed in sentences with lie. You lie somewhere; you lie down, you lie across the bed, you lie on the grass; also, you lie like a rug.

b. To lay is a transitive verb. It takes a direct object. You lay a slab of concrete, you lay the shawl on the chair, I lay me down to sleep, lay lady, lay. (NOTE: You lay down your arms, because you lay your arms down.)

c. NOW: here’s the key source of confusion. It’s the tenses.

i. LIE: Today he lies down, yesterday he lay down, tomorrow he will lie down, (over time) he has lain down on the same bed for years. LAY is the past tense of LIE. Crazy, right? And yes, the past participle is have lain.

ii. LAY: Today she lays the concrete slab, yesterday she laid the concrete slab, tomorrow she will lay the concrete slab, and (over time) she has laid concrete slabs for decades.

5. I’m sorry.

Does anyone die (die, died, will die, has died) if you misuse any of these pronouns or verb forms? One hopes not. But every time someone on television, in the media, on a stage, in politics, for example, says in public for the world to hear, “Him and I disagree,” our nation’s reputation deteriorates still further. I really do think the way we care for our language is a reflection of every other thing we care about. You know, like our children.

When we teach our language to our children, we are showing our children that we value that they express themselves. I know all this teaching language talk sounds ridiculous when we live in a nation that couldn’t care less about educating our children in language or anything else; and, worse, whose current government has no problem disappearing babies and children, or causing struggling mothers to die carrying unviable pregnancies, or saying that children with disabilities are unloved; and whose Republican leadership is embroiled in so many scandals involving arrests for child molestation it takes your breath away, gut punch after gut punch.

Internet, sample only. Trump’s one-time “spiritual adviser” was recently arrested. Shocker.

But let’s ban books? Close libraries? Libraries and personal bookshelves and story-times (drag and otherwise) connect all of us to what it means to be human. It’s stories, it’s language that does it. And obviously it doesn’t have to be English—I’ve sat enraptured listening to poems and stories by griots and Native storytellers, and in the audience of Italian operas, where I didn’t understand a word.

But since English is a primary language, and a lot of us speak and read it, I feel that the grammar, then—the learning of it, the doing of the exercises, the practicing of it—connects our national humanity, or can; we feel successful when we learn language and understand the grammar, because everything we learn, we will use in communicating with another person. (Note: AI will never feel good. You know that.)

And if connecting isn’t important, what is? I think I’ll hang out my shingle on a park bench and get started. Let’s talk.

Love or something like it, past, present, future, and tense,

Miss O’